All parents will agree that being a parent is as much a source of joy and happiness as it is challenging and frustrating!!

Watching your child grow and develop into a unique individual can be a rewarding experience right from the day one, but the path that lies ahead could often be seen as a bumpy and rocky one, with emotions ranging from happiness sprinkled with joys and laughter to extreme frustrations mingled with sadness or anger!

It is during such low times that our emotions start to play tricks, making us feel incompetent or bad as parents! You wonder…. is this feeling going to be permanent or do all parents feel this way??

Having awareness about how your own emotions are acting up in such situations can be immensely helpful. First, try asking yourself questions such as:

• Am trying to be the perfect parent all the time?
• Am I realistic in your expectation?
• Is there anything I am trying to copy from my friends who has all ‘well behaved children’?

Parenting, especially in today’s demanding world has become one of the toughest of all jobs where we need to constantly remain resourceful, patient, understanding of the children’s needs and also remain supportive and loving to our children. At the same time, as adults, we have many other responsibilities too, to discharge. Therefore, when the two roles are amalgamated, the mammoth responsibilities that are piled on us often make us tired, exhausted, making us frustrated and incompetent. The result? We automatically become ineffective in relating, communicating or disciplining our children as we resort to physical punishments and harsh words, making us feel guilty, angry and sad in return. The unfortunate influence of all these is: the kids pick up our moods, if they know that we are anxious or angry, they too pick on the same attitude adding on further difficulty.

Therefore, one of the effective suggestions for the parents will be for them to remain aware and have a good hold over their own emotions. Knowing that they need not be the perfect parents, or all families go through the similar situations from time to time, will help them have a better perspective of their own journey and still allow them to be the best source of support for their children.

Some Tips for Parents to cope better –

A. Balance and Prioritize your own needs with all others!

While discharging all our duties as parents, it is common for us to feel drained, exhausted, yet we neglect our own well-being which may include having simple things such as, some time to rest our body and mind or to exercise. We continue to believe that that it is ‘selfish’ or too ‘time consuming’! But that is not true.

The truth is, when we feel ‘empty’ from inside, we will not be able to give much to others including our children.

Therefore, what would be important is to create a balance between our own needs and needs of all others including our children’s’. Children are our priority, but should not consume all our energy and stamina, for sure. Trying to curve out some time to relax, pampering ourselves and also maintaining the relationship with all others like other family members, friends and colleagues is truly important because when things get tough, these are the people who can offer support to us.

Parents’ own physical and emotional needs are probably the most important ingredients that will assist them to give their best as parents. Therefore, why not (however tough it may be) curve out some time to rest or relax or pursue your hobbies which you have been neglecting for so long? These will not only give you the pleasure you need but it will also add value to your sense of identity as person.

B.Understand and accept your child, as he or she is.

Each child is unique and learn, grow in a unique way. They all have their own sets of strengths and weaknesses. By understanding them better, knowing their temperaments, you will be better able to fulfil your role better. Children, big or small, will make mistakes at times, sometimes they are for valid reasons, sometimes just to test your limits., and these are the times you may feel anxious, lousy or frustrated. By understanding them better, knowing their temperaments, strengths and weakness, you will be able to support them consistently and realistically.

Remember: you need to accept, support your child, to help them cope with the life’s challenges.

C. Manage your own stress – from inside out

We all experience stresses in our lives. Because the vast majority of physical/ emotional problems are caused or influenced by stress, it’s important to understand how stress affects our body/mind. Therefore ,learning effective stress management techniques to make stress work for us rather than against us will certainly make us happier, healthier and more productive.

1. Ensure you have sufficient time for sleep and rest, learn to say ‘no’ to people or things that is not helping you, try to share responsibility with spouse or
   other family members.
2.  Curve out some time for regular exercises. Even 10 mins of brisk walking can do wonderful things to your body and mind, so recharge yourself by engaging in some form of regular exercise.
3.  Affirm your own strengths as a parent, tell yourself, ‘I can manage, I can do it, I can ask for help if needed’.
4.  Know the situations, which makes you feel frustrated or in conflict often, and get help from others as to how you could manage those situations better.
5.  Hold on to your positive attitude and sense of humour, laugh at your own mistakes!

Hopefully the above strategies can help you with the challenges of your parenting. If you are still experiencing some difficulty or feeling unsure, don’t despair… you can be helped and start enjoying your parenthood again. Talk to a professional like a therapist at WINGS CC, do it asap…. to help yourself!